DEPRESSION (4) by Stella-Kike Odeniyi

HOW TO HELP A DEPRESSED FELLOW

1. If you notice someone close to you is going into depression, pray for him and let him know he’s in your prayers.

2. If such a person opens up to you, PLEASE DON’T CONDEMN OR JUDGE HIM. He has condemned himself already!.

3. Encourage him instead. Give him positive testimonies that can give him an assurance that he can still make it in life after all.

4. A warm hug can go a long way to heal a depressive fellow. Remember one of the reasons for depression is that he felt nobody loved nor cared for him. Hugging can make him feel otherwise and break him down outrightly.

5. Follow the leading of the Holy spirit in every step you take while dealing with a depressed fellow.

6. Visit him or call him from time to time. Don’t just send messages. You could be deceived. Somebody could put a smile icon on the message when he’s actually weeping. If you give him a call, you can always get if he’s weeping or smiling when he talks, except you are not sensitive.

7. If you discover you can’t handle the case, refer the person to somebody you trust can be of help. Could be a Pastor, counselor or social worker. If she doesn’t want to go and meet them, report the case to the necessary quarters.

8. If someone you knew to be very active and lively before, suddenly or gradually became withdrawn and chose to isolate herself. Move close to her and find out the reason. She may not want to tell you. Do everything within your reach to know what she’s going through. By so doing, you can save her life and get her out of the depressive mood.

9. Be lively. Be humorous. Crack soft jokes that can make someone around you laugh. You could be relieving somebody of a heavy burden by so doing.
Smile at someone. It could mean a lot to that fellow.

10. Check on a friend you haven’t heard from for quite some time. Don’t conclude with why can’t she also check on me?. You can never tell what she’s going through. You’ll know only if you care enough to know. That your mind strikes her could be because she needs your attention or that God is telling you to be her keeper at that point in time. It could be too late if you wait till tomorrow.

DEPRESSION (3) by Stella-Kike Odeniyi

HOW TO PREVENT OR COME OUT OF DEPRESSION

1. See yourself as imperfect. If you made a mistake or messed up, ask for forgiveness from God, from whoever you offended and forgive yourself and move on with your life. You are not a saint. Every normal human being is prone to make mistakes at one time or the other.

2. If you noticed that the above mentioned points are happening to you over a period of two consecutive weeks, don’t keep quiet. Cry out for help. Talk to somebody who can be of help before things get out of hand. It’s easier for somebody who is too secretive to enter into depression than for a person that shares his problem with another person.

3. Guard your mind from ruminating over negativities or things that are not profitable to you. Be the Master of your own mind. Control it and lead it on the way it should go. Phil 4:8. Our mind is a battle field, once you win in your mind, you have won the world.

4. Learn to forgive and let go of people’s faults and mistakes. If you see yourself as imperfect, it would be easy for you to see your brother as imperfect also. Give allowance for offense. Don’t expect too much from anybody. A man can do and undo. I know it’s not easy to forget when you are hurt, even after you have forgiven. Yes!…..but whenever you remember the offense, and it seems you are getting embittered again, open your mouth and declare to the ears of the devil…..(Mention the person’s name) ………is my sister/brother. Though she/ he offended me and it really pained me, but I have forgiven her/ him, knowing that she’s not perfect even as I am not perfect also. We are all working towards perfection. So devil, take away your thought, it’s none of your business. I love my brother/ sister and that settles it all.

You will gradually feel relieved until you get over it completely. A time would come when you will remember without it having any meaning to you any more.

5. Good music heals. I’ve tried it severally and it works. When you are angry or offended, put on a music you love so much and listen to it. With time you would find yourself singing along if you know the lyrics. Worship songs can pacify you beyond your reasonable imagination. One of such songs is “I’m no longer a slave to sin”. If you don’t have it on your phone, download it or you get it from a friend. Listen to it repeatedly and soon, you would come out of the blues!.

6. Force yourself to talk to somebody you don’t feel like talking to. Give him a call, even when you have many reasons not to do so.

7. See failure as part of life experiences. View challenges as a platform to achievement. Don’t see problems as a mirror through which you see your failures, mistakes and errors. Instead see problems as a window through which you see something better, something greater than you, something more beautiful and powerful that God is about to do in your life.

8. The best person to deliver you from depression is *You*!. People can not always be with you. Everybody has their own challenges to face. If nobody encourages you, encourage yourself. Pull yourself out of the hand of the devil. Pamper yourself once in a while. Put on your best dress even if you have no party to attend. Stand before a mirror and tell yourself “I am wonderfully and beautifully created!”. Thank God for the way He made you.

9. Dancing is another antidote to depression. Put on a dancing music and dance away your struggles. Tell yourself ” I’m not the most wretched in the world”.
No matter what you are going through, there’s still at least somebody out there that envies you.

10. Never consider suicide!. It is not a solution to your challenges. The moment you start thinking of taking your own life, know that the devil has seen your glory. He has seen your beautiful future and he doesn’t want you to live, let alone acquiring it. You are not the owner of your life, hence you have no authority to take it. If you kill yourself, you would be condemned. Don’t be deceived. If this world you can see is not fit enough for you to live in, how are you sure you would survive where you are going, if you kill yourself?. Don’t Try Suicide!. It’s The Devil’s Trick!!.

11. Don’t attribute the death of your loved one to anybody. Even if the person is physically murdered, console yourself by saying “It wouldn’t have happened if God never wanted it to”. That it happened means God has a reason for allowing it. I know it’s not easy. Yes!. But if you go to God and prayerfully ask Him why, He would surely tell you.
Don’t hold grudge against God for any reason. He is not a man, He is God. He is unquestionable.

12. Soak yourself in the word of God and speak in tongues frequently. By so doing, you are empowering your spirit through the Spirit of God inside of you.
Hence, it would be difficult to do anything in your flesh because the Holy Spirit will always be in control of your actions and activities.

13. Listen to messages from genuine men and women of God. Even if you have heard them before, hear them again. They have a way of enriching your spirit with spiritual endowments.

14. Get yourself a mentor. Somebody you can share anything and everything with. Somebody that can freely scold you when you misbehave. A God fearing person you can always run to in times of trouble. An encourager who has your kind of spirit. You don’t need someone who never sees anything good in your vision and mission. Keep away from whoever discourages you always from moving forward.

15. Be optimistic. Take life easy. What you put there is what you would meet there. God wants you to live long, don’t cut your life short.

16. Laughter is another wonderful antidote to depression. Deliberately look for things that would make you laugh. Watch humorous movies and listen to the professional comedians once in a while and laugh out like somebody who doesn’t know how to think.
If you have a friend or family member gifted with a sense of humour, visit them or make a call to them and laugh extensively.

17. Avoid staying indoors always. Stroll out once in a while. If you are chanced, go on holidays. Travel to new places. Meet old friends and new ones. Be sociable. Visit natural habitats of animals like zoo, game reserves, amusement parks, waterfalls, mountains etc.
Those things have a way of making you live a stress -free life.

DEPRESSION (2) by Stella-Kike Odeniyi

EFFECTS OF DEPRESSION

I would like to talk about the effects of depression under three major points.
Physical effects
Spiritual effects
Medical effects

PHYSICAL EFFECTS OF DEPRESSION

1. It cuts you off from people who can be of tremendous blessings and help to you tomorrow.

2. Suicidal acts are not far fetched in the spirit of a depressed person. This is one of the suggestions of the devil. He would show you how worthless you are. He would make you think over your life and tell you, you have no reason to be alive. He would remind you of your past mistakes and bring out the faults of your loved ones to you. He would tell you they can’t miss you if you die, so it’s better you go now.
If you allow yourself to be deceived by the devil, you may consider suicide.

3. Murder too can be carried out by a depressed person. You would see your loved ones to be responsible for your predicament. You will hate them and ruminate on what they should do which they refused to do and what they shouldn’t have done which they have done. Before you know it, you may wish them dead, and if you have the opportunity, you may carry out the murder act physically.

SPIRITUAL EFFECTS OF DEPRESSION

4. As a child of God, depression cuts you away from your Maker. It prevents you from hearing from God, hence it cuts you away from your destiny, dreams and vision. It leaves you with feelings of doubt, emptiness, hopelessness and helplessness. A depressed person would doubt if God is in existence because everybody around him has offended him, including God.

5. It opens you to several attacks from the devil. Devil knows nobody can survive alone and he knows how to handle people when they are alone. The moment you are on your own, you have opened the door for the devil to dictate to you. He would subtly suggest his own ideas and you would foolishly agree with him since you have turned against the children of God who used to be close to you and against God too.

6. If depression is not quickly dealt with, it could lead to backsliding. Hence such a fellow would be denied of eternal life. Many people result into taking alcohol and smoking because they are depressed.

MEDICAL EFFECTS OF DEPRESSION

7.Depression can lead to loss of appetite or increased appetite. The former could result in ulcer while the latter could lead to obesity or type 2 diabetes which are serious ailments. Hence a depressed person experience either weight gain or loss of weight.

8. Insomnia (sleeplessness) is very common with depressed fellow. As a result of this, the person will be experiencing constant fatigue, headache, muscle aches and general body pains.

9.Depression can also lead to heart attack which could result to death, high blood pressure, and can equally weaken body immune system, thereby exposing the body to any form of sicknesses.

DEPRESSION (1) by Stella-Kike Odeniyi

WHAT IS DEPRESSION?

Depression is a serious mood disorder. It negatively affects how you feel, think and handle situations and daily activities like sleeping, eating or working.
It is a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity.
It is also a sad feeling of gloom, guilt and inadequacy.

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU ARE DEPRESSED?

1. When you suddenly or gradually lose interest in things that were interesting to you before.
2. When you don’t feel like talking or connecting to anybody. You just want to be alone every time.

3. When you are filled with feelings of regrets, regression, sadness and gloom.
4. When you feel disappointed, abandoned, rejected, dejected and unattended to by your friends and family members.

5. When you feel you are alone and nobody seems to care for you.
6. When you are weighed down with heavy pressure that makes you feel like you are carrying the weight of the whole world on your head.

7. When you get bored and tired of everything, everybody and every situation.
8. When you seem to be lost in your challenges. You don’t even know who you are and how to find yourself.

9. When the whole world seems clumsy. Nothing works out for you. Hence, you prefer to leave this world for a place you are not even sure of.
10. When nobody’s advise or suggestion have meaning to you. You are off minded when people talk to you. You don’t know what to do yet you don’t need anybody’s advise.

11. When you feel like cutting off from loved ones. You don’t want to have anything to do with those people you’ve been very close to before.
12. When somebody close to you does something wrong to you and it pains you so much that you find it very difficult to forgive the fellow OR even after confessing severally that you have forgiven the person, you refused to let go. You are always referring to it, always talking about it or you are always reporting the person to people. Hence, the wound is getting refreshed by the day.

13. When you lose a loved one and you are holding somebody responsible for his/her death, because of what the person alive didn’t do or did, which you believe could have saved the life of that person that died.
Please note that you can even fight God for the death of a loved one.
14. When you grieve too much over the loss of a loved one. You can easily go into depression.
15. When you are discouraged, unemployed, faced with financial constraints and living at the mercy of people around you.

HOW DID I GET HERE? FINAL PART

Despite my financial discrepancies I had many mouths to feed, many bills to settle and several school fees to pay. I told my wives to find something doing so they could be of help, they all promised to, but none of them did anything.
Zuniyat was always sending me messages of how her children need one thing or the other.

There are few things left in the shop to sell. I would have closed down the place but I needed to find a place to be going in the mornings, at least leaving the house.
There’s no money to stock the shop as usual. We’ve eaten it up.

Now I’m fed up of life. Sometimes I would think of committing suicide maybe I would be relieved, but something would tell me I shouldn’t go that far.

I have now kept myself away from all the women. Though we all live under the same roof but they don’t have access to me as they used to before.
I’m tired of everything. I don’t have interest in sex anymore. I’ve had enough. I don’t even have erection any longer. I don’t want to have anything to do with any woman again. I can’t stop thinking and asking myself “How on earth did I get here?”.

Church, I don’t have interest in going again. My siblings believe I have backslid and have tried to take me back to Christ, but failed. I believe I’m still a child of God. I’m still a believer. I’m still born again.
Though I struggle to pray for about five minutes once in a while and I can’t even remember the last time I opened my Bible, yet I still see myself as a child of God.

To be honest with you anyway, I wouldn’t mind if God decided to take me home now. I don’t need anybody to tell me that there is no pleasure or enjoyment in this world that really worth it.
So, all I do now is wake up in the morning, enter the bathroom, freshen up, go to shop, come back home in the evening and lock myself up in my room until I sleep off.

I don’t eat in the house, neither do I talk to any of my wives. I can only answer if any of them greets me, and if they don’t, I don’t care.
I don’t know what and how they feed anymore. I eat in my shop.
If any of the children asks me for money,I will give if I have. If I don’t have, I will tell them to go and meet their mother.

People of God……
This story is a true life experience of somebody who was once doing well in the Lord but after making just a seemingly little and normal mistake derailed from the way.
You would agree with me that this soul has backslid already even though he never admitted it.

If God gives you the opportunity to go through this story to this point, I want you to firstly say a prayer or two for this man and his entire family members that God will restore their salvation, so they would not be lost at the end.

Secondly, pray for yourself if you are born again, that any step you would take that will make you lose your salvation and thereby lose eternity because of the things of this world, you shall not take such a step.

Thirdly, if you are yet to give your life to Jesus. You can still do so now. If you can still read this write up,that means you are still alive, which indicates that there’s an opportunity for you to do so.
If you don’t want to derail in this sinful world which is full of vanities, a close walk with Jesus on daily basis is required. We shall not miss it in Jesus name!.

Thanks for being a part of what God is doing here. You are much appreciated.

Watch out for another interesting story on this platform soon.
Till then,
Remain blessed.

THE END!.

© Stella Kike Odeniyi
June 2018

HOW DID I GET HERE 6 (HMS)

My mother and siblings had told me severally to send Bintu out of the house but I said “where would I send her to?. She doesn’t have parents. The only family she has are her uncle and his own family who were never in good terms with her. She doesn’t have any job or trade she can use to sustain herself and the six children she has for me. What is going to happen to my children?.”

I traveled to Onisha one day. I was away for three days. Before I came back, my mother had come in an attempt to forcefully eject Bintu out of the house. She would have done it successfully but for Bintu’s children and Caro’s intervention. I learnt Bintu seriously insulted Mama and called her names. It eventually resulted into a fight between Bintu and Agnes.

When I got home my mother was waiting for me because she wanted to report Bintu.
As she was narrating the ordeal, Bintu came into the sitting room and started shouting at her, clapping her hands and shouting “You can’t send me out of my husband’s house. I married him before any of these ones you love so much. I’m not leaving my husband for anybody, not even you his mother. So go to your house Mama! Go to your house and leave me alone!!. This is my house.”
You can imagine coming in from a long journey with the hope of getting home to have some time to rest, only to be welcomed with such an unpleasant saga.

I couldn’t utter a single word. Though I didn’t like how Bintu treated my mother and everything she was saying to her even in my presence. At the same time, I didn’t like the fact that Mama came to make an attempt to send her out of the house. I’ve told her several times to leave her alone.

Many of my siblings have stopped coming to my house because they just couldn’t stand what they would see.

There’s no peace. Love is far away. Sometimes there would be unnecessary silence in the house because you don’t know what you could say that would trigger another quarrel. If you visit the house at such times, you would think everything was going on well with us but a little action or speech made by any member of the family could suddenly result into a big fight that would be raging like fire.

My business was getting worse by day. Money was no longer coming in as usual. Thank God we were living in my personal house, we would have been chased out by landlord. To feed was gradually becoming a serious challenge.

The children were gaining admission to higher institutions one after the other. All of them were struggling to survive. The girls resulted into going out with sugar daddies while the boys were going into online scamming business.

My life and future were turning upside down before my own eyes and I couldn’t do anything about it.

Then what happened afterwards?.
Let’s watch out for the concluding part of the story.

Thanks for being there.
Keep connected.

© Stella Kike Odeniyi

HOW DIDI GET HERE 5 (HMS)

Then something strange began to happen in the house. Caro and Agnes suddenly became the best of friends. They were so close to the point that Agnes children saw Caro as a second mother. They were going in and out of her room as if they owned it together. Sometimes they would eat, play and even sleep there, but Bintu’s room, they dared not enter.

The children too do not all mingle together. They have their own friends among each other. Some of Bintu’s children are always seen with Caro, while some of them are scared of their mother and her threats. Hence, they would always remind those who are always with Caro about their mother’s warning and threatens to report them to her.

Agnes kids too are not in good terms with Bintu’s last three kids, while Bintu’s first three kids loved Agnes kids.

Anytime Bintu saw Caro and Agnes together, she would be very uncomfortable and would start nagging.
Both of them could start laughing until they either leave the place or Bintu just decided to keep quiet.

One other funny thing is that two out of Bintu’s first three kids which she left when she absconded obviously loved Caro more than their mother. They were so free with Caro especially when their mother is not around. They would enter her room, ask for anything they want and even run errands for her. But they dare not try it if Bintu was at home.
The other one, my second child was her mother’s replica. She would follow her mother’s instructions into details.
If Caro cooks, she would serve Bintu’s children, but their mother wouldn’t allow them to collect it except she’s not there or she’s not aware.

One day Caro and Agnes were busy talking tete a tete. When Bintu couldn’t hold it any longer, she had a confrontation with both of them.
I decided to take some time to rest at home that day after being knocked down with malaria and was recovering.
Then I heard Bintu telling Caro “You!. You came here to snatch my husband. Then you wanted to snatch my children. Everything that belongs to me in this house, you snatch. Children, you don’t bear. You always like to steal what belongs to other people. Do you know how Agnes came into this house?. Now you have found a friend. Is that not so?. Do you think I brought in a friend here for you?.”

I held my chin, as I was rotating my head from one face to the other. I just knew a bombshell was about to be thrown again. So I was listening attentively.

Then Bintu turned to Agnes “You this shameless idiot!. Do you remember how and why you came into this house at all?. Did I not tell you to come here to marry my husband so you could help me send Caro away?. What am I seeing now?. You have suddenly become the best friend to somebody I wanted you to get rid of. What do you take me for?. Did I pay you to come and be having kids for my husband and then be a friend to my enemy?. I bet it with you, I am going to collect my money from you. Trust me”.

After hearing that, I left the scene and went straight to my room.
I started thinking…..” So, Bintu paid Agnes to come and be my wife so she could join her to send Caro away!. She tried it with Zuniyat and failed, and then this!!.
She’s the progenitor of my problems. What have I gotten myself into?.

Let’s see what happened afterwards in the next chapter.
Keep connected!.

© Stella Kike Odeniyi

HOW DID I GET HERE 4 (HMS)

Bintu never stopped fighting Caro. She wanted her to leave the house by all means, but Caro refused to be intimidated by all her attempts. She was still taking care of Bintu’s children as though they were hers.

Zuniyat moved out of her mother’s apartment into a one bedroom apartment where she was raising my baby and the other boy she had for the Yoruba man who absconded. Though the boy used to stay with Zuni’s mother most of the time.

There was this young beautiful lady called Agnes who was always coming to our house to sell fruits. She was an orphan, a native of Benin in Edo state. She was just about three years older than my first son, which Bintu had for me.
The very first time I set my eyes on Agnes, I was attracted to her by her beauty. Since then I noticed she was always coming either to my house or shop almost every day. I loved water melon so much. I told her I like the big ones, hence she would reserve them for me.

Soon I started developing feelings for Agnes. She was also reciprocating. Few months after I knew her, she got pregnant for me. She moved into the house without even paying her dowry.
Bintu never liked the idea at all, but I was already used to that. For Caro, it doesn’t have any meaning. She was just herself.

By this time, I had forgotten about God and going to church completely. My church members and pastor got fed up and stopped coming to my house after many visitations and follow ups that yielded no result.

Agnes had a baby boy with the first pregnancy, after which she had a set of twins, two girls, and then another baby girl, making four.
Yet Caro had no child.

About two years after Zuni left my house, I was missing my baby girl she left with. So I decided to go and check on her. Before I left the place, I slept with her. She got pregnant again and had another baby girl.

Bintu ended up having six children for me. Among them all, Bintu was the laziest and the most troublesome. She was very cruel.
After Agnes moved in, she stopped hawking fruits. As a matter of fact, none of the women was working. I was the only one doing everything. Paying children school fees, feeding a big family, clothing and settling all other bills started weighing me down.

My business was gradually going down. My drivers began to misbehave. They were bringing in an amount lesser than what they were delivering before. Soon the cars started developing faults one after the other. The little coming in from the drivers was not enough to fix them. I started taking money from my electronics shop to fix the cars. When I got tired of doing that, I parked them inside the compound and released the drivers.

Before I knew it, it started telling on the shop. Many of my customers were owing me and refused to pay. I couldn’t get enough money to stock the shop. The little money coming in was either going for keeping the family together, paying school fees, or used for settling my workers salaries.
The goods in the shop was reducing, yet new ones were not coming in. Some of my customers were getting disappointed since I couldn’t meet their demands.

The only one who is considerate among my wives is Caro. She had good and wonderful ideas which could be trusted. Yet when she gives me some ideas, I would sometimes feel she said so because she didn’t have a child for me.
When she suggested that I took all the children to public school, though I didn’t totally agree with her because I wanted the best for my kids and then I couldn’t stop thinking of the effects it would have on the children, yet I discussed it with Bintu and gave it as an idea coming from me and not from Caro.

Bintu flared up!. “You can take all the other children to a public school, but my own kids?. Never!. They would never attend a public school. I knew it!!. What else would Caro advise you to do?. After all she doesn’t have a single kid among them…..and you too, anything Caro says is good to you. Not this one oh!!!. Hear me and hear me very well”. She pulled her ear.
” Did I tell you it’s Caro that advised me to change the children’s school?. I said…..”
She caught in “I don’t care who advised you or where the idea came from. All I know is, my own children are not going to attend a public school. Period!”.

So instead of yielding to Caro’s advise, I started selling my personal cars one after the other to settle the children’s school fees, until I was left with only one car with which I could be moving around.

What happened next?.
Watch out for part 5
Keep connected!.

© Stella Kike Odeniyi

HOW DID I GET HERE 3 (HMS)

I got home one beautiful evening only to discover that Bintu had left our three kids and moved out of the house. Our eldest child was six, he really couldn’t say much about his mother’s disappearance. The youngest was only two.
I later got to know that she was in Lagos. Where she was there and who she was staying with, I wouldn’t know.
Every attempt to make her come back home to cater for the children proved abortive.

I called and begged her several times, she refused. She told me plainly she was no longer coming back to me. That she never loved me, circumstances made her marry me.
I pleaded with her to come, if only because of the children, that I didn’t have time to stay at home to look after them, I used to travel often. She declined.

Barely a year after she absconded, I started thinking of an alternative. My mother and some of my siblings suggested I look for another woman who would be taking care of the kids.
I later met Caro. She was one of my customers. I proposed to her, and she agreed to marry me. I told her the major reason why I needed a wife was because I needed somebody who would look after the kids their mother left.

I went to meet her family members and paid her dowry. She moved in and started taking care of the children, even more than their mother was doing. She would wake them up in the morning, bathe for them, dressed for them, took them to school and picked them from school in the afternoon. It was as if she was the one that gave birth to them. I began to see in my children how I had always wanted them to be.
The kids were happy. They loved Caro so much. They always wanted to be with her. They were calling her Mummy.
Unfortunately, Caro never had a child for me, and she had never had any one before. Yet, she was always there for my children.

She was so submissive and caring. Highly considerate. She was a careful spender. She was just the direct opposite of Bintu. You can never find one of Bintu’s character in her. She was very accommodative and tolerance, so pleasant to be with. I learnt a lot of things from her. She was unassuming and doesn’t get angry easily.

My family had peace for the very first time. My home was filled with joy.
I still continued with my acts of kindness and Caro was very supportive. More so, things were going on well for me, but my spiritual life was going down. I go to church once in a while, only on festive periods.

Several months later, when Bintu heard that Caro had taken over the house, she returned home.
She hated Caro with passion. She poisoned her children’s minds against Caro and told them never to call her Mummy anymore, that she’s not their mother.
Though Caro would not fight her, yet the peace and love we had in the house when she wasn’t around suddenly disappeared.
She never wanted to see me and Caro together. She would nag and nag, going up and down until I leave the house for her.
Her children preferred to be with Caro, to being with her, and that one she couldn’t stand.
She wanted to frustrate Caro to the point that she would move out of the house, but Caro was not moved by all her efforts. She was still herself and very good to the kids, though their mother would confront her and told her to leave her kids for her.

One Hausa lady, who was a food vendor was always bringing food to my shop everyday. Since I usually leave the house as early as 7am, sometimes I don’t even take breakfast before I leave, especially when I was alone in the house with Bintu who wouldn’t wake up by the time I was leaving.
Caro came into my life, she would make sure she packed my breakfast and put it inside the car for me every morning. But even at that, I would still need to take something in the afternoon since I don’t get back home until around 6 to 7pm.
So Zuniyat was somebody I couldn’t but see everyday.

Zuni was a beautiful young woman in her mid twenties. She was always smiling. She doesn’t talk much.
I just noticed we were getting closer by day. She already had a kid by a Yoruba man who left her for another woman. She used to tell me the story of her life.
One day she invited me to her house, telling me that it was her son’s birthday and that I should just come and wish the three year old boy well.
I promised to come and I was there with a beautiful gift and some money for the boy.
It wasn’t an elaborate party, so people left on time.
I got there late and met just a few people who were leaving one after the other on seeing me.
Zuniyat’s mother also took the boy to her house, so I was left alone with Zuni in her one room apartment.
I saw her scratching her back, I asked what happened to her. She said she didn’t know, that it seemed an insect bit her. I tried to see the place and helped her to scratch it.
Before I knew it, I had slept with her!.

Few weeks later, Zuniyat told me she missed her period. About seven months into the pregnancy, she moved into my house.
Bintu couldn’t stand Zuni’s presence in the house. She was always fighting her. Caro was however very pleasant, she could tolerate anything and anybody.
Bintu was also expecting a baby at that time.
Some months later Zuniyat put to bed a baby girl.
Barely two weeks later, Bintu also had a baby girl.

Bintu couldn’t stand it any longer. She got furious with the way I spent money while naming Zuni’s baby. She said I’ve never spent that much while naming any of her kids.
One day, she had an open confrontation with Zuni and a serious fight ensued between them.
I was in my shop when Caro called and told me to come home immediately, that the whole house was on fire.
I thought it was a physical fire. I didn’t know how I drove home. I met the two of them in a serious combat. It was during the fight that Bintu said
“I only told you to sleep with my husband and got Caro jealous so she could pack her load and go, did I tell you to get pregnant for him?. You this Ashawo!. Ashawo!!. Ashawo!!!”. Clapping her hands on Zuni’s face.

Zuni said “And what would you do now?. What would you do jealous woman?. I have the baby already. Now do your worst. Stupid woman”.
Myself and Caro were just looking at each other. We couldn’t utter a word.
Bintu promised to poison the baby if Zuniyat didn’t move out of the house.
Zuni said “Thank God I’m not the only one hearing it now. If anything happens to my baby, I will hold you responsible”.

The following day, Zuni packed out of the house and moved into her mother’s house until she was able to get herself a room where she moved in with her baby.

There are still more.
Keep connected!.

© Stella Kike Odeniyi

HOW DID I GET HERE PART 2 (HMS)

Mr and Mrs Bello were members of the church I attended. They had three kids, one boy and two girls. Bintu was Mr Bello’s twenty year old niece. She was an orphan. Her mother died while giving birth to her, while her dad died in an auto crash when she was only four years old. She has since been living with one relative or the other, where most of them treat her as an housemaid before she was eventually taken to Mr Bello before he got married.

The Bellos were fervent Christians, at least from what I could see, but Bintu had a different story to tell about them, especially Mrs Bello. According to her, Mrs Bello was so cruel to her. She was enjoying her uncle until he got married. “She poisoned my uncle’s mind towards me and now he’s also cruel to me”. Said Bintu.
“Sometimes I could go without food for days. My uncle’s wife would not allow me to eat in the house”.

I was usually touched hearing things like these. I remembered how scarce girls were in my family, how come a girl child is being treated this way?.
I would give her money to go and buy something to eat. She would thank me and leave. She usually comes to me after service on Sundays.

One Monday morning, Bintu sent me a text message telling me that she wanted to see me yesterday in church, but she didn’t come because her uncle’s wife had reported her to her uncle that she (Bintu) was always talking with me every Sunday, that her uncle should ask her what we were always discussing. As a result of that, her uncle had stopped her from seeing me after service in church. Therefore, she would come and see me in my house. I gave her an appointment for Wednesday by 4pm.

She came directly from school to my house. She was in SS2. Nobody knew our plan.
When she got there, she started talking about her uncle and his wife again, and that it’s only one of their kids that loved her in the house.
“Now, they have banned me from seeing you or talking to you. Who else do I have?. Who would I be talking to now?. What am I going to do now?. I can’t, but talk to you!. I can’t but see you!!. You are so good to me!!!.” She bursted into tears.

I couldn’t stand seeing such an orphan shedding tears. I moved close to her to console her. She held me tightly. I tried to get myself out of her arms, but she wouldn’t let me go. Before I knew it, I had slept with her.
It eventually became our usual practice as she was always having a stop over in my place whenever she’s coming from school.

I started giving her money. She was changing clothes and looking beautiful. When we see each other in church on Sundays, we would just walk pass without anybody noticing what was going on between us during the week.

Barely two months after we started the romance, Bintu told me she was pregnant.
“Ahh!. What are we going to do now?”. I asked.
” I don’t even know”. Answered Bintu.
I told her to let us abort the pregnancy before anybody knew what happened. As I didn’t want them to know in church.
She said she was afraid, that she didn’t want to die.
When I persuaded her, she promised to give it a thought and get back to me.

When she got home that day, her uncle and his wife called her and told her they suspected she was pregnant.
She denied it. But her uncle’s wife said she was very sure Bintu was pregnant, and that if her husband wouldn’t mind, they should take her to the hospital for a test.
That was how she was taken to a doctor that evening, and it was confirmed that Bintu was eight weeks pregnant.

When they asked her who was responsible for the pregnancy, she mentioned my name.
Soon, the news went round. It became a hot gist among our church members.
When I was invited for interrogation, I confirmed that I was responsible and that I would pay the bride price and married Bintu.

Her uncle arranged with the other family members and a date was fixed for the traditional marriage which was done in a low key.
I provided every item in the long bride list and paid the bride price. I promised them that Bintu would complete her education in my house as I was actually ready to sponsor her.

That was how I became Bintu’s husband, not because I loved her, but because she was carrying my baby and more so, she was an orphan. She moved into my house right away and we were living as husband and wife. She wasn’t that beautiful, as a matter of fact, she wasn’t attractive to me at all, but I was left with no choice.

It wasn’t after Bintu moved into my house that I knew the kind of a woman she really was. She was so lazy and dirty. I started remembering everything she told me about the way her uncle and his wife treated her, and I was convinced that she really deserved it.
She didn’t want to do anything. After having the first child, I told her to go back to school as I have promised her family. She refused. All she knew to do was to sleep, wake up, eat, spend money she never worked for, and have sex.

We were too shy to continue to worship in the church where we met, more so her uncle and his family were there. So we decided to look for another place of worship where nobody knew us.
I discovered I was no longer active as I used to be. I was now struggling to attend services. Bintu was not helping the matter at all, in fact, she was worse. She didn’t want to hear anything about church or prayer. It later dawned on me that her uncle and his wife were the ones forcing her to church in the first instance.

Barely four years into my marriage with Bintu, we already had three kids…..which my wife never knew how to care for. After much complaints, I would do whatever I could and overlook the rest.
She wasn’t working, she never wanted to, yet she was always asking me for money as she wanted to be the most elegantly dressed lady anywhere she was. Whenever she asked for money and I didn’t give her, she would pick quarrel with me and refused to take care of the kids, neither would she prepare food for me to eat. I can’t count how many times I’d gotten home in the evening, only to discover that my wife did not cook anything for me as dinner, and I would pick my car key and go back to town to eat in a restaurant.

I had money but I had no peace. I didn’t enjoy my marriage with Bintu at all. She made life miserable for me.
She knew how well I loved my children, so she was using them as a yardstick to deal with me whenever I didn’t meet her demands.
I can say without any reservation, that Bintu was either not well cultured or she rejected every training she was made to go through.

Then something happened!.
Watch out for it in the next chapter.
Thanks for following.

© Stella Kike Odeniyi